I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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