i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
