Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
