is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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