I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
