omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize