i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
