no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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