we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
