pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
