At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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