The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
