I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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