Just cropdusted the office
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
