I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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