Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
