So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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