Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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