I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i think i just lost a toe
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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