im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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