My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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