Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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