I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
