I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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