my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize