my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
