So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
