Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
