Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
