I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize