Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
