I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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