tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
