Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
