he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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