omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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