I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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