I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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