New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
