fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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