It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
