Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
