This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
