I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
