JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
