Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
jump out the window naked night went bad
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
