my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
