I have demons in me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
