i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
