Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize