DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
