I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
