coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
