i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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