Barsexuality is the new black.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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