My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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