oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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