she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
