Already got asked if we're dating
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
