How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
