Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
