Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Pooping to opera.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
