I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
