i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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