She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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