I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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