I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Randomize
