i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
