Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
