hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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