One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it because I queefed?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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