Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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