you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize