All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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